


My Big Fat IwaOi Wedding

by Pumpkin (TheSelfieOfDorianGray)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Best Friends, Deceased Father, Everyone Is Gay, Insecure Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma in a Skirt, Multi, Nonbinary Kozume Kenma, Oaths & Vows, Oikawa Tooru Likes Aliens, Oikawa’s dad is dead, Rich Oikawa Tooru, Stag Nights & Bachelor Parties, Stress Baking, Volleyball Dorks in Love, Wedding Fluff, Wedding Planning, Weddings, no beta we die like daichi, oikawa has a breakdown, wedding fic, wedding vows
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-24 10:28:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30070890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSelfieOfDorianGray/pseuds/Pumpkin
Summary: A full play by play of the four days before and of the wedding. Oikawa and Iwaizumi’s wedding party is staying at Oikawa’s mom’s estate in the country. That party works together to make sure the couple’s wedding runs as smoothly as possible. They also try to keep the grooms from breaking down before they can even walk the isle. All in all, it is a great week.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	1. The Arrival

**Author's Note:**

> This is purely self indulgent. I love the idea of a beautiful, expensive wedding. Figured I’d place one of my favorite ships in the center. This is IwaOi as non-toxic as a Crayola crayon, as it should be.  
> *Slight trigger warning*  
> Oikawa’s dad, who he grew up living with, is dead. It’s a center of a lot of heartache at the wedding reception.  
> Oikawa also tends to get self deprecating under pressure.  
> Finally, there is a breakdown scene in the second chapter. I figured it wouldn’t be a proper wedding unless something gets messed up and at least one of the people getting married panics.  
> As always, teen for swearing.  
> Hope you enjoy

4 days until the wedding

“Eeeek!”

A squeal spilled from the brunette’s mouth upon the arrival of the first black car. 

“They’re here! They’re here Iwa-Chan!” He shook his fiancé’s arm frantically. 

“I see that,” Iwaizumi rolled his eyes but kept a fond smile on his face. 

The car pulled around the large circle drive and stopped in front of where the couple stood on the front stairs. The window rolled down. 

“Where do we even park at this huge place?” Kuroo yelled out from the drivers side. 

“Take the drive around the house,” Oikawa pointed to where the front circle diverged into another that disappeared behind the estate. “You’ll see the parking lot.”

Kuroo nodded at his with a smile and drove around. Within a few minutes, he and Kenma, who had been in the passenger seat, walked back around to meet them at the stairs. They were both dressed for comfort from their long drive. 

“Hey! Congratulations, guys. Could totally see you two being one of the first of us to get married,” Kuroo smiled, pulling Oikawa into a greeting hug and Iwa into a bro hug. 

“This moron needs to ask me eventually,” Kenma teased flatly. 

“Oh I will,” Kuroo smirked. 

Kenma just hummed and looked down at their game. 

“We the first ones here?” The tall man asked. 

“Yep. Well except for Maki and Matsun. They came here with us,” Iwaizumi nodded. 

“Well I saw one or two of the others’ cars on the way here, so they’ll be here soon. We all said we were leaving around the same time.”

Oikawa looked giddy for the others to arrive. Soon enough, they did. One by one, the pairs arrived. It didn’t take more than an hour until the whole wedding party, who were staying at the estate with the couple, was there. Their old high school teams were also coming, but they were booking Airbnb’s like the rest of the guests. 

“This is your house!?” The little, orange crow asked in amazement. 

“It's my mom's. I haven't lived here since I was five. My parents got a divorce and I went with my dad,” Okinawa explained. 

“Well it is beautiful, Kawa-Babe,” Sugawara complimented as he hugged his friends tightly. 

“What’s with all the rainbow flags?” Bokuto beamed at the flags hanging from the many windows. 

“Eh it’s a gay wedding,” Iwaizumi shrugged. “Figured we’d have some fun with it.”

“Come in, all of you,” the brunette clapped his hands. “We’ll show you to your rooms.”

They all made their way through the extravagant house and up two flights of stairs. When they reached the top they were met with a dark haired boy and a pink haired boy sliding down the hallway in socks. Makki and Matsun turned around quickly at the sound of footsteps and began laughing. 

“Sup guys,” Makki forced out through huffs of laughter. 

The other guys began laughing or at least smiling as they greeted the other former Sejoh couple. The party was made up of Makki & Matsun, Kageyama & Hinata, Suga & Daichi, Akashi & Bokuto, and Kuroo & Kenma. Makki and Matsun were the best men, Kenma was a “flower Kenma,” and the rest were all groomsmen. They were paired off in the single bed rooms, all of them being couples. They had all of the rooms labeled for the wedding. While they looked for their labels, Oikawa spoke. 

“Go get dressed up, people. Like we discussed in the group chat, we’re treating you guys to a fancy dinner to discuss this big ass party they call a wedding.”

There were a few whoops and cheers as the group all pushed into their rooms. Hagime and Tooru were already in nice clothes. The brunette had insisted on them both wearing white for the whole week because of his odd superstitions. Iwaizumi tried to tell him that literally no one had that superstition except him, but Oikawa insisted that white would keep them and their wedding ‘pure.’ So the brunette was wearing a white button down and the other a white polo. They were both wearing high waisted corduroys in different colors. 

They waited a while in the downstairs living room for their friends to get ready. Kenma came down first. They were wearing a cute, short black dress, and their hair had a section braided. Kuroo trailed after them in a jacketless suit. 

“Gosh, Ken-Chan, you are just the prettiest member of the wedding party,” Oikawa smiled at his short friend. 

“Ah I’m sure you are going to be the prettiest person at the wedding Oikawa,” Kuroo assured him. 

“I’d like that,” Tooru chuckled. “But it wouldn’t surprise me if Kenma is prettier. I picked out their flower person dress after all.”

“You’re lucky I like dresses,” Kenma mumbled, hardly paying attention. 

“Not lucky. That’s why he chose you,” Iwaizumi quipped. 

“Hmm. And here I was thinking it was because I’m short.”

“That too. I wanted a flower person but not a kid. I really do not like children,” Oikawa explained. 

“Thought so,” Kenma still looked disinterested. They only perked up when Hinata came skipping down with Kageyama, both in nice clothes. 

“Kenma you're so pretty!” The ginger exclaimed. 

“That’s what I said!” Oikawa gushed. 

Kenma turned fractionally pink and looked away. Really they were all pretty. Every single one of them. They all got back in their cars, most doubling up and carpooling. Before long the group of beautiful people were all sitting around a big, long table at the nicest restaurant in the small town. They were outside, and it was spring, so, it being 7:00 in the evening, they were getting to watch the sunset. 

“Guys. We’re getting married!” Oikawa stood and cheered, Iwa standing up too. 

“Oh really? This is such a surprise,” Akashi teased with a smile. 

“Thank you so much for agreeing to be in our wedding party,” Iwaizumi thanked earnestly. 

“We’re each going to be going over our schedules with you this evening,” Tooru explained. “You already know that half of you are here for my part of the wedding and the other for Hagime. Hold your partners tight at night because I’m afraid we’ll be spending most of the next days separated. We’ve got printed schedules for all of you.”

They passed out Oikawa’s group’s schedule to Makki, Kenma, Hinata, Akashi, and Suga. 

“This fucking schedule just called me a bottom in 120 words,” Makki scowled as he scanned it over. 

“Oh hush. You already knew you were my man of honor,” Oikawa rolled his eyes. “And it’s not my fault your a switch. We had to just pick one.”

“I feel like, as a bottom, I should be offended, but I’m not completely sure why,” Suga chimed. 

They passed Iwaizumi’s schedule to the other half. 

“You’re more like the maid of honor, Makki,” Matsun joked. 

“Hey, no he’s a man, so he’s my best man. Not a maid of honor, not a bridesmaid, and not even a flower Kenma,” Oikawa placated. 

“Flower Kenma?” Daichi asked quizzically. 

“Flower Kenma,” Oikawa nodded without explanation. 

“Since Kenma is not a flower girl, boy, or even child, Shittykawa has deemed them a ‘flower Kenma,’” Iwa explained with a hand pressed to his temple. 

The party hummed in understanding. Kenma looked utterly bored, as always. Oikawa moved to explain his schedule. 

“Kk. It’s Wednesday.The wedding is Saturday. Everything has been picked out and will be arriving at the venue the day before the wedding. We don’t have to worry about any of that because our wedding planner is in charge of that.

“Tomorrow, we have brunch at 10. Then we have the rehearsal. We’ll drive down to the venue and our planner will be there to give you your directions. Super simple. Just follow what she says. 

“On Friday we have another brunch and Makki as planned my bachelor party. Talk to your partners because I’m told there will be strippers.

“Then there’s the wedding. You guys will be in my dressing room getting ready with me for the whole day. I have hair and makeup artists coming if any of you need that. After the ceremony we have the reception and any of you that are involved in that have their instructions and have hopefully written their speeches already.”

The party nodded in acknowledgment. They had a long few days ahead. They all knew that it would be harder being in Oikawa’s group, but they also knew that the groom would need them desperately. Lord knew how he would react if something went wrong, so it was good he had the more level headed people. 

Iwaizumi then began reading off his schedule. 

“Ok so our tomorrow is the same. I’ll skip to Friday. Matsun is planning my bachelor party. Again, strippers. Communicate with your partners. Our party is at a separate place. While Tooru’s party is at the estate, ours is wherever the hell Matsun is taking us. Ask him because he won’t tell me. 

“On the wedding day itself, we have our own separate dressing room. We’ll take pictures at 12:00 before the ceremony. Only thing left to say is read the fine print.”

Oikawa didn’t know that the “fine print” on the schedule said that if anything bad was to happen, not to tell the brunette to keep him from freaking out. The dinner went on with amazing food. By the time it was dark, they were ready to leave. 

They headed back to the estate, each flopping on their beds. Tomorrow would be a long, long day.


	2. Oh, Fucking, No

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit hits the fan and Oikawa’s first instinct is to go bake in the estate’s kitchen. The others help him through it though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning for slight mental breakdown, I guess.  
> Also the death of Oikawa’s dad is discussed.

3 days

Everyone woke up at different times. Since Oikawa and Iwaizumi couldn’t sleep well with their excitement, they were the first up at six in the morning. Akashi came down alone shortly after, an early bird where his Bokuto was a night owl. Then Daichi and Suga joined them in the living room. They decided to go for a run and stop for coffee, since brunch would be a while. 

They all put on some proper clothes and began jogging down the sidewalk. Some of them were athletes, while others gave up the sport but still enjoyed exercise. Once they made it to the independent coffee shop that was famous in the small town, Oikawa got his 10th expresso since they arrived at the beginning of the week. He was practically souly running on them at that point. 

“Since you guys are spending the most time with him the rest of the week, could you try to keep him off the expresso so much?” Iwaizumi asked Suga and Akashi while Oikawa was in the bathroom. “He’s been drinking nothing but the shit. At least make sure he drinks water.”

They had nodded to him with concerned looks. He got back soon and they found outside seats to drink their coffee together. It was a gorgeous day, such a perfect amount of sun and wind that it made it seem colorful. There were lots of hanging, green plants around them. It was a wonderful feeling, really. The grooms to be glanced at each other, both aware of the energy that buzzed in the air. A kind of energy that felt fast, hectic, but anything but scary. A calm kind of excitement. Just like the feeling that they got when they thought about how they were about to marry their best friend. The very air of that morning felt like love. 

After an hour of buying time and chatting with the party, they decided to run back. When they got back, they still had an hour and a half to get ready for brunch. They took showers and got dressed. 

The grooms were still wearing white, so they both had on white polos. Oikawa paired his with some orange, high waisted, pleated shorts. Iwaizumi had plain yellow shorts. 

They ran to the backyard to check on the catering, thirty minutes before 10. They got out there just in time to see the van driving up. They directed them to the long table and the food got set up just in time for the others to arrive. 

They all walked out together at exactly 10, as if they had been waiting. They had. They were dressed down compared to the day before. Most dawned shorts because of the heat. Kenma and Hinata both wore overall shorts with embroidery, as if they meant to match. They also each matched their boyfriends with the shirts they wore under the overalls. 

“Gwaa this looks so good!” The aforementioned redhead exclaimed. 

His eyes were wide at the long table with a lovely spread of fruits, eggs, meats, biscuits, and even several gravy boats. 

“Thanks for brunch, Oikawa,” Akashi thanked. 

“Our parents are actually paying for it all,” Iwaizumi explained. “Oikawa’s mom wanted to pay for the wedding, but my parents wanted to help. So they’ve been paying for all of this kind of stuff.”

“So we have the rehearsal after this?” Kageyama asked as he sat down next to his little boyfriend and tucked into the food. 

“Yep! Our wedding planner and Iwa-Chan’s dad are meeting us there,” Oikawa nodded. 

“Iwaizumi’s dad is in the party?” Bokuto inquired. 

“Oh, uh— yeah,” sadness flashed in Oikawa’s eyes. “My dad died a while ago, and I’ve always been really close with Iwaizumi-San. He said he’d walk me down the isle.”

“Ahh, babe, I’m sorry,” Sugawara soothed, the closest to him besides Iwa. “It’s great that Iwaizumi-San is there for you, though.”

Iwaizumi through an arm over the brunettes shoulder, squeezing him a bit. 

“Yeah I’m thankful for having another father figure, but I’m not going to pretend it’s been easy,” Oikawa admitted, comfortable with the company around him. “I’m a bit better now, but when we first started planning I was a wreck.”

“We’re here for you,” Suga assured, making knowing eye contact with the other mother friend, Akashi. “All the rest of the week. We’ll keep you sane.”

“Thanks,” Oikawa said, full of genuinity. “That’s why I picked who I picked. I knew I could count on you.”

The large group of boys were able to work through most of the food, 10:00 being a pretty late time and all of them being starving. When they finished it was perfect timing to be on their way to the venue. 

The people of the wedding party gazed at the venue in awe. It didn’t have the couple’s decorations up yet, but it was already beautiful. They drove down the long, gravel road through brightly colored trees with different colored blossoms. They found the parking lot, but still had a ways to walk. 

They found they didn’t mind walking down the path. The trees around them went on for seemingly ever. It was like they were in an enchanted forest. The only signs of life were the road and the elegant light posts that lined it. They got to a diverge in the road, one going to a huge, rustic building. 

“That is where the reception will be,” Iwaizumi pointed out the building. “We’re going to keep on our way to the ceremony spot.”

They all continued down the road until they got to a really big clearing. Like really big. It was still framed with beautiful trees. 

Oikawa clapped his hands to get everyone’s attention. 

“So this is the ceremony spot. All this empty space will be filled with chairs,” Oikawa was giddy with excitement. “Isn’t is so pretty!”

He got a lot of nods and a few “yeahs.” 

While the brunette was standing facing the clearing, a certain old man snuck up behind him and tapped his shoulder. The boy jumped and turned quickly. He smiled brightly when he found it was Iwaizumi-San.

“Tooru!” He grinned and pulled him into a tight hug. 

“Pops!” Iwaizumi greeted, receiving his hug. “How’s the hotel?”

“Very nice,” Iwaizumi-San assured with a chuckle. “Your mothers getting a massage right now.”

“Now we just have to wait for the planner to get here,” Oikawa beamed. 

So they waited. And waited. And waited. And Oikawa began to panic. 

“I don’t think she’s coming,” he paced around in fear, his hands in his hair. “What the hell am I supposed to do. Oh man oh man oh man.”

Suga ran forward while Iwa tried to console him. 

“Hey hey, look at me,” the grey haired man coached. “We can still do the rehearsal. We can do it like we did at me and Daichi’s wedding last year.”

Trying to will away panicked tears building behind his eyes, he took a deep breath and nodded. That could work. He’d have to worry about the planner later. 

They made it through the rehearsal with Suga’s instructions. All the boys paired up and hooked their arms together. Kuroo and Kenma went down first, Kenma not actually throwing the petals at just rehearsal. The other came down and parted at where the podium would be. They lined up on the two sides, half next to where Iwaizumi was already standing. 

Oikawa hooked arms with Iwaizumi-San and came down last… he was crying. He made it up to Iwaizumi and lost it. Iwa couldn’t do anything but wrap his arms tightly around his fiancé. 

“This is happening!” Oikawa blubbered. “I’m getting married. And my dad isn’t here.”

“I know,” Iwaizumi shushed him calmly, rubbing his head in the hug. “It’s going to be ok.”

“It’s just- I’m so happy to be marrying you! I just wanted him to be here. He loved you. When everyone else told me I was weird to love you, he told me it was ok,” he sobbed. 

“I know,” Iwa kissed the top of his head. 

Oikawa turned out of the hug and wiped at his face. 

“U-uh… let’s go see the reception hall,” he worked out through a raw voice. “It’s where we’d be going next.”

They made the walk there, Iwaizumi never leaving his love’s side. The building was lovely. It had ivy covered walls and off white shutters on the mossy windows. It was only meant to look old and abandoned, though. It had been built just a few years prior. The perfect wedding venue, Oikawa thought.

They pulled open the big doors and it was very bare on the inside. After a whole year of planning they had something interesting to decorate every inch. For now, though, it was empty. 

“There will be huge tables for dinner up there and a big dance floor right here,” Oikawa took to pointing everything out to distract himself. “And— and the cocktail bar will be here.”

“That’s about it,” Iwaizumi directed them back out. 

They made their ways back to the cars and left. It was then 3:00 and they were all hungry, so they went to another restaurant. 

“I don’t think I’m going to be able to get through my vows,” Oikawa joked at the table, his eyes still a bit puffy. 

“Not with a dry face, but I’m sure you’ll get the words out,” Daichi assured. “You were there. I cried like a baby.”

The table laughed at the memory. They had had a winter wedding in a cathedral. The heat was broken and everyone was freezing their asses off. Except for the grooms, who were thankful that it was too cold for them to have visible nervous sweat pit stains. 

“What about the planner?” Oikawa asked, remembering the thought he had decided to put off. “What if she’s going to blow us off like today?!”

“She probably just… forgot?” Kageyama tried to reason. 

“She’s a wedding planner. She has all of our plans in a binder and a calendar to everything we do,” Iwaizumi huffed. “She can not just forget this stuff. She’s been a godsend until now.”

“Not helping, babe,” Oikawa panicked. He could hardly eat with his nervous stomach. Neither Iwaizumi would allow that.

“I know you’re stressed, Shittykawa, but you really need to eat,” Hagime huffed, scooting Tooru’s ramen closer to him. 

“We know how you get, Tooru. You have to take care of yourself,” Iwaizumi-San scolded. 

“Isn’t that what Iwa-Chan is for?”

“You do know you're about to be an Iwa-Chan too now, right?” Bokuto laughed. “Double Iwa-Chans!”

Oikawa squealed with delight. “That’s it! Thanks Bokuto, I’ve been trying to think of a good wedding hashtag for months!”

“Wedding hashtag?” Kageyama wondered, unsure of what it meant. 

“It’s a way to keep up with the pictures and posts people make at your wedding. They use a specific hashtag,” Oikawa explained. 

“So what’s it going to be?” Iwaizumi asked him. 

“#DoubleIwaChans,” Oikawa laughed. 

The table chuckled and agreed it was a good one. 

“Oh oh!” Oikawa clapped excitedly, starting to come out of his panic. “I have wedding favors for my group tomorrow! I’m super excited. We have matching shirts!”

“Wow, Oikawa, that sounds awesome!” Chibi-Chan cheered. 

“Yep you all get to wear them to the bachelor party,” Makki grinned. “And I seriously can’t express this more, communicate with your partners because me and Matsun both got strippers.”

“Yeah we’ve already cleared it with each other,” Iwaizumi assured. “It’s our bachelor party and we know we’d never be unfaithful. I’m fine with letting him get a lap dance,” he laughed in his gruff, breathy laugh. 

“Woah tmi,” Iwaizumi-San chuckled. 

“Yeah, we’ve all been discussing it,” Kuroo asserted. “Kenma doesn’t want me doing anything with a stripper and they’re not going to either.”

“That’s cool, we've got all kinds of stuff planned,” Matsun informed. “Anyone else?”

Everyone else except the married couple decided they didn’t mind. As spouses, Daichi and Suga just didn’t feel comfortable, and that was perfectly ok. Communication is super important. 

Oikawa left for his nail appointment, Kenma and Akashi accompanying him. The others went back to the estate to hang around until dinner. 

The three had a nice time at the salon. Kenma got their nails done in dark red, Akashi’s in a simple nude manicure, and Oikawa’s in dusty blue, the color of his tuxedo. It was pretty relaxing. They got out after about an hour and a half. 

They got back to the estate at 5:30. Dinner was scheduled for the dining room at 7:00 and they all agreed they could be in pajamas for it. Everyone got dressed down and washed up, skulking around the house with little to do until 7:00 finally came. 

When it did, it was simple takeout that they got delivered with a delivery service. They gathered in the fancy dining room in their pajamas and ate the greasy food. It was honestly one of their favorite meals of the week. It was domestic, the kind of meals they had together at sleepovers in high school and early college years. They drank coke in wine glasses and laughed. It eventually had to end, though. They pulled themselves to their rooms at 9:00, knowing they had an even longer day tomorrow. 

That wasn’t the end of it though. Oh no. It was time for the real meltdown. While in the bathroom brushing his teeth, Oikawa got a call. . . The wedding planner quit. She just fucking quit. He sank to the floor in panic. “No no no no,” he gasped. 

He pulled himself up and went down to the enormous kitchen frantically. He began pulling out bowls and pans and ingredients. That’s when Akashi walked in for some water. 

“Kawa?” His eyebrows furrowed. “What’s wrong?”

Oikawa was crying while throwing flour into a bowl. 

“She quit!” He wailed. “The damn wedding planner quit and I don’t know what to do!”

“So your baking?”

“Y-yeah,” Oikawa paused and looked at him with an odd, deranged but sad expression. 

“Ok, then. Hold on sweety,” Akashi calmly walked out. 

He came back with Suga, Kenma, Hinata, and Makki. They gathered around him as he cried, giving him a group hug. 

“That bitch,” Suga growled. 

“Her mom died,” Oikawa muttered. 

“Oh,” Suga turned pink. “So we’re baking?”

Tooru nodded. They let go of him and he went back to mixing. 

“Ok, we’re baking,” the gray haired man pet his head. 

So they baked. A ton. Of cookies. They consoled him while they did so. 

“She was in charge of set up,” Oikawa bawled. “I don’t have time to do that. I don’t even know how!”

“Kawa-babe. How about me and Akashi go early on wedding morning and get it set up for you. We can take a couple of the big guys and get them to place it right. You have your copy of the inspo binder?”

Oikawa nodded slowly. “Thank you so much,” he whispered.

“I bet we’ll even have time to meet you in the dressing room to get you ready. If not you have Makki, Kenma, and Hinata, plus your stylists. It’ll be just fine,” Akashi soothed, hugging the taller boy. 

The others found them in the kitchen later that night when they noticed they hadn’t come back to bed in a while. Oikawa was asleep being hugged by Makki and Akashi on the floor, Suga was passed out nearby. Hinata was asleep on top of the kitchen island and Kenma was asleep on another counter top. Their boyfriends could only shake their head and wake them up. They turned off the oven and took their partner’s to bed. 

Oikawa explained what happened to his fiancé. He was concerned to say the least. 

“She quit?! That bitch!”

“Her mom died.”

“Oh.”

And they went to sleep


	3. Tearing Shit Up (Ft. Alien Strippers)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s time for the bachelor parties!! Some moment are more eventful than others, but both have a blast in the end. The dorks could not be any more excited to get married.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you read before I read through and fixed some things, you may have noticed that even though I’m the one who made the conscious decision to make Kenma non-binary, I still used the wrong pronouns A LOT. I honestly have no idea how I managed that since I was so excited to make them non-binary. So sorry about that. I fix it when I see it.   
> Warning that this chapter has some more adult themes, but nothing to god awful.

The day before

Oikawa woke with a start, jumping on top of Iwa. 

“Party day, Iwa-Chan! It’s party day!”

Tooru shook him while he just pretended to be asleep. The small smile on his face was what gave him away. While The brunette was straddling his stomach and jostling him, Iwa reached behind him discreetly for the spare pillow laying there. Oikawa never saw it coming as he was whacked right off the other with a pillow to the head. 

“That excited to be allowed to cheat on me?” Hagime teased. 

“Oh hush! It’s not any farther than a strip tease and or lap dance. Not like you're not doing it too,” Oikawa shot back with a light hearted smile. “I’m excited for the rest of the party too! Makki has been gushing about how proud he is, so it must be great!”

“You have to sit through family brunch first, though,” Iwa smirked, causing Oikawa to groan. 

“This is going to be so awkward!” Oikawa whined. “What if our friends start talking about sex lives or something? They do that a lot. My mom would be shell shocked!”

“We’ll just have to see what happens,” Iwa shrugged. “What time is it? We need to give our favors to the party early so they have their shirts.”

“You’re right. It’s 8:00. We can go give them out.”

They dragged themselves up and gathered all the gift packs from their closet. They carried them from their second floor master bedroom to the guest rooms on the third floor. They placed two packs in front of each door, all black but half being tied with a black ribbon and half with white. Both had gold accents throughout the items. They knocked on all the doors. Some people stepped out completely awake, while others leaned against the door frame sleepily. 

“Attention my beautiful wedding party!” Oikawa bellowed, causing a half asleep Kenma to startle and nearly fall over. Kuroo caught them. 

“We have your wedding party favors,” Iwa pointed to the bundles. 

“My group is the white ribboned ones. Iwa‘a group has black,” The brunette explained. “You have to wear the shirts at the big brunch at ten. While I’m talking about it, no vulgarity please. Our mothers are going to be there.”

“Also it’s a bit more fancy than yesterday’s. Just wear your shirts and some nice bottoms,” Iwaizumi finished. If the group read the group chat, they’d have known to pack lots of fancy clothes. 

The pair left to go get ready for the day. They took a shower together and talked while fixing their hair at the his-and-hers sinks. 

“Better get some good pictures of yourself looking hot tonight,” Iwaizumi glanced at him. 

“Same to you.”

“Eh I’m pretty sure Matsun is taking us somewhere fun. Not really the rager Makki is throwing for you,” Iwa snorted. 

“You know what he’s doing?”

“Well yeah. I helped him set it up on the fourth floor.”

Oikawa smiled. “Honestly, I’m more excited about getting to use dad’s old party floor out of my mom finally accepting me than the actual accepting part.”

“How old was he when he built this house?” Iwaizumi shook his head at the craziness of building a whole floor for parties. 

“30. And he gave the whole damn house to my mom just to be able to get me. She wouldn’t have been satisfied otherwise. I’m thankful,” Tooru said. “If I’d have been stuck with her, her slow acceptance of me being gay would have hurt a lot more. And I would have lost all the time I got with my dad.”

Iwa leaned over and kissed his fiancé’s cheek. “How do you think she’ll react to Kenma?”

“No clue. We won’t let her be mean though,” Oikawa laughed a bit. “We’re a big group of pro and ex volleyball players. I don’t think she’s that stupid.”

Iwa grabbed their white shirts from the room and brought them back into the bathroom. 

“Ready,” Iwa smiled. 

“Yep.”

Iwaizumi pulled a shirt over Tooru’s head. It had “The Pretty Groom” written on the front in gold and “President of Team Alien” on the back with an alien head and stars spread across it. Tooru pulled Hajime's onto him. He said “The Strong Groom” on the front and the back said “President of Team Godzilla.” It too had a picture of Godzilla and stars spread across it. 

They laughed fondly at each other. Oikawa did a little twirl, still not in anything else but his underwear. Iwa pulled him in and kissed him sweetly. 

“I love you, Shittykawa,” Iwaizumi whispered. 

Tooru slapped him on the chest with a playful gasp. 

“Meanie Iwa-Chan!

“We are 24 years old,” Iwa chuckled while shaking his head. 

They busted out laughing at the prospect of being two adults about to get married calling each other names in nothing but alien and Godzilla t-shirts. They didn’t hear the knocking on the door, so Bokuto came running in. 

“Hey, bro—“ 

He froze at the sight of the two doubles over laughing in their underwear. 

“You guys are having fun,” he barked, causing them to finally look at him. “I think my shirt was swapped with someone else’s. The size is too small.”

“Give us a minute,” Oikawa stifled his laughter. “I’ll help once I get my pants on.”

So Bokuto left and they finished dressing. They both wore corduroys, knowing they’d have to dress down later. It turned out Kageyama’s shirt had been swapped with Bokuto’s on accident. Everyone came down dressed eventually. 

Makki’s shirt said “Best Man” and “Commander of Team Alien.” Matsun’s shirt said the same but Team Godzilla.   
Kenma’s said “Flower Kenma, or whatever” and just “Team Alien.” They paired the black and gold shirt with a rose colored, tea length skirt.   
Kuroo’s said “Bigass Ring Barer and Groomsman” for Team Godzilla.   
The others’ all just said “Groomsman” for either Team Alien or Team Godzilla. 

“Super cute shirts,” Hinata giggled at the Godzilla on his boyfriend’s back. 

“You want me to handle the rings?” Kuroo asked when he emerged. 

“Oh yeah!” Oikawa remembered he hadn’t asked him. “It’d make more sense for you to be walking with Kenma.”

Kuroo nodded with a smile. “Cool. No problem.”

After some stalling, the caterers got there on time. The same table was set up and covered with the food, except this time flowers of blue, pink, and white were spread around. They had placecards at the table and everything. It was beautiful. 

Oikawa’s mother emerged from her room she had been hiding in wearing a loud, lavender dress and a matching derby style hat. She was a pretty woman to be 50, but she always put too much makeup on. It made her wrinkles worse and her excessive use of the tanning bed when she was young left her skin patchy. Iwaizumi’s parents arrived, and they wore their age much better. Hajime’s dark skinned mother wore a yellow sundress and her hair was in a loose French braid. The woman’s teeth were spectacularly white, though she disliked flashing them because of a crooked front tooth. His father was in a simple button up and dress pants, but he had always been an avid gym goer. He was in spectacular shape for reaching 55, the only indicator his graying hair. 

“Pops! Ma!” Iwaizumi bellowed as he and Oikawa booked it to the pair at the door. 

“Let’s see how the shirts turned out, boy!” Hajime’s father demanded with a huge, proud smile. 

They turned around to show off the backs and turned back. 

“Perfect,” Mrs. Iwaizumi grinned. 

“Thank you so much for helping design them,” Iwa thanked his parents. 

“Anytime,” Pops said. 

“Hungry?” Oikawa motioned to the back glass sliding door that led to the lawn. 

They followed through the house and out the door, being met with many familiar faces. They greeted the group warmly and found their place cards. Mirai Oikawa was placed in front of Kenma. 

“You're a very pretty young lady,” Oikawa-San had said when she sat down. 

Kenma gathered all the deepness they could in their voice and said, “Thanks.”

She had been stunned. Kenma didn’t say anything else, letting her stew in her thoughts. 

“Non-binary,” they mumbled audibly after a couple minutes. 

She hadn’t responded, their cat eyes weirding her out. That’s when the other parents had walked in and sat down. They were fairly separated at the table, but that wasn’t going to stop Mirai. 

“So you’re Hajime’s parents?” She called down the chattering table. 

“Yes we are. You must be Tooru’s mother. We really love your son,” Mako Iwaizumi replied. 

“And you have a fine son. It’s been a pleasure getting to know him these past few days,” Mirai chatted, as if she wasn’t bellowing over a whole table of talking boys. 

“We’ve known Tooru since he and our son were 5. We truly just adore him,” Flora Iwaizumi doted. 

Oikawa blushed at the kind words of the Iwaizumis. He leaned his head on Iwaizumi, suddenly remembering that their love was the reason for everyone being there at that beautiful spring brunch in the country. It was an awkward pose to eat in, but it was worth it for the closeness. Iwaizumi just threw an arm over Oikawa’s shoulders and kept eating. They really fit well together. 

“Hey, Kawa,” Makki got the groom-to-be’s attention. “Heads up. Don’t get dressed up before the party. It’s part of our fun.”

Oikawa smiled and nodded. This would certainly be interesting. 

The day dragged on in anticipation. The Godzilla Team passed a bit of time by cutting the sleeves out of their shirts and making them mussel shirts. Their boyfriends decidedly didn’t mind the gun show. After a mundane lunch and lots of waiting, Team Godzilla finally went to roll out. It was seven o’clock and the parties were starting. 

“See ya at the wedding,” Oikawa whispered extremely close to Iwa’s mouth as he held on the his shoulders. 

“Don’t be hungover at our wedding,” Iwa warned half heartedly. 

They kissed deeply, pulling each other close. This was real. Tomorrow they were getting married. And tonight they were fucking tearing shit up! It was so unreal. 

Iwaizumi was eventually swept out the door by his groomsmen. He and his band of tight pants clad tops piled into a limo that pulled up for them. Oikawa was being pulled into the big second floor bathroom that resembled a large dressing room. He was ushered into the chair in front of the vanity. 

“Kawa-babe. You’re about to turn into even more of a babe!” Makki cheered. “Oh and here,” he presented a tray of cocktails. 

Everyone took a blueish cocktail and held it up. 

“To a night we probably won’t remember, and to a friend who’s getting stuck with one cock the rest of his life!” Makki toasted. 

The crew whooped and took sips of their drinks. 

“We should get started now,” Suga comes forward. “Everyone will start coming in at 8:00.”

“Everyone?” Oikawa asked as he choked on the cocktail. He looked down at the glass. “This is really sugary. I love it.”

He continued sipping, electing to wait and see who “everyone” turned out to be. Clothes were tossed to him as he sat his cocktail down on the vanity. 

“Put them on!” Akashi pushed. 

“Ok ok,” the brunette showed his hands in mock surrender.

He stood and began stripping his pants off. Kenma whistled at him and the others cheered for him like he was performing a strip tease. He started with the fishnets. 

“Fishnets? Really? Someone’s trying to make me look like an edgy high school girl,” he laughed, but put them on. 

He moved on to the leather shorts on top. Yep, definitely edgy high school girl. But he looked really fucking good. 

“Couple more things, my king,” Hinata rushed up with the rest of his outfits grinning. 

The ginger pulled a flowey, sheer, gold overlay onto his arms. He let it slip off his shoulders and it made it super sexy. Kenma whistled again. Finally, Oikawa bent and let Hinata place a small king’s crown headband on his head. 

“Hot already,” Akashi smirked. “Not done though.”

Akashi and Kenma pushed him back down into the vanity chair, placing two makeup cases on the table. Kenma crawled up onto the table itself and pulled Tooru closer. 

“Makeup time,” Kenma brandished a brush, opening their case and unfolding the tiers. 

Akashi did the same with his own case. 

“Let’s put some all-nighter primer on him,” Kenma started. 

Makki disappeared for a while during the makeup. Tooru ended up with a full face of pink and gold makeup. He looked absolutely gorgeous. The others left him in the room to get more party pants from their rooms. Kenma turned in their pink skirt, revealing the rest of the tucked in shirt. It had been way too big for them in the first place, so they just added some ripped pantyhose and thigh high black boots. Akashi and Hinata just wore ripped black jeans. Suga and Makki both had leather pants. They all crowded around the vanity and let Kenma give them at least eye makeup. 

When they were finished taking pictures it was 8:30. Makki steered Oikawa up the stairs with the rest following in a line. They heard the music from far away on the third floor. When they got to the final flight of stairs, it was blaring. Oikawa was pushed through the door first. He was met by at least 20 of his friends dancing to the music on the dance floor. They turned when they saw the door move and began cheering. 

“There’s the groom!!!” Kindaichi screamed. “Figures our biggest himbo would be getting married first!”

“Kindaichi!” Oikawa ran to him and hugged him.

He took in his surrounding better once they broke apart. The room was full of colorful lights. The decorations were shaped… oddly. 

“Are those dick shaped Makki?!” Oikawa pointed incredulously at the wall decorations. 

Makki laughed and nodded. “One cock forever now, man!”

Oikawa cackled. The music was loud and the room was crowded. He looked around a bit more and saw that the several TVs (meant for sports game parties) were all playing Magic Mike. 

“You’re fucking insane, Makki! I love you so damn much!” Oikawa yelled over the music. 

“This is only half of it! Can’t party like this all night, or you wouldn’t be able to walk down the isle tomorrow,” Makki responded. 

“Good point.”

Oikawa tuned back into the party, grabbing a shot. Time to dance. 

-

Iwaizumi was already having a pretty good time. He was fed a couple shots when he got in the limo. He had no idea where they were going. 

He was only kind of surprised when they pulled up at an adult escape room. Seemed like a cool idea. He knew that also had to have somewhere to go afterwards because they weren’t allowed to stay at the house. He figured it was just a short, fun thing to do before heading to the sleeping place. Perfect for someone like Iwa. 

“This looks really fun!” Bokuto hooted. 

They went in and Matsun talked with the desk lady about their reservation. The lady looked the boys over and saw their shirts, especially Iwaizumi’s white shirt. 

“The Strong Groom?” She read, then smiled brightly. “Is this a bachelor party?”

“Sure is!” Matsun beamed, his best man t-shirt on display. “That’s one of our grooms. Getting hitched tomorrow.”

“Great!” She stood and led them to a door. “Phones in the basket. We don’t allow filming or photography.”

They handed over their phones to the basket. She read them the rest of their rules. They’d be on surveillance. No touching actors. 

“And nothing we’d consider carpentry,” she giggled. “Our puzzles do not require heavy lifting. Anyways. Welcome to The Hangover.”

Just like that, they were locked in a room and she was gone. They looked over their surroundings. There was a trashed living room strewn with cups, trash, and random liquids on the floor. There was a locked door in front of them and another labeled garage that they had been informed was their door out after they found the car keys. An actor was ‘passed out’ face down on the red couch. 

“Should we try to wake him up?” Kageyama asked first. 

“No other ideas yet,” Matsun shrugged and clapped in the guys ear. Nothing. 

“Didn’t figure that would work anyways,” Kuroo said. 

“So she said our riddles to find our car keys come from the things we did last night. Where would the first riddle logically be?” Iwaizumi asked, taking charge. 

“Look. There’s a door right there,” Daichi pointed. “Our first task is probably unlocking that.”

“Good. Look for something to help unlock it. It has a six number lock,” Iwaizumi instructed. 

“Oh oh! There are six beer bottles on the floor!” Daichi realized. 

They picked all the bottles up and saw they all had numbers on the bottom. They had no clue what order they were supposed to go in. 

-

Oikawa was having a blast! The music was great, the cocktails were sweet, and everyone there was fawning over him because he was the stag of the stag night. He loved being the center of good attention. 

After a while of dancing, Makki and Suga came to shove him in a throne they placed in the middle of the room. Makki picked up a microphone and the music quietened a bit. 

“Oikawa Tooru! Is it true Iwaizumi Hajime is the only person you’ve ever got dirty with?” Makki shouted into the microphone. 

“... Yeah” he answered, flustered, even with how dirty he was dressed and had been acting. 

“Oikawa Tooru!” Suga stole the microphone. “Is it true that you used your 4th, 5th, and 6th birthday candle wishes asking for aliens to abduct and probe you?”

“Yes. And 7th and 8th,” Oikawa laughed. 

“Well tonight is your chance for both things to be fixed!” Akashi stole the microphone for the final call. 

With that, a whole crew of buff men in skimpy alien costumes came through the door. The marches right up to Tooru. 

“Take us to your leader!” The men said in unison to the other party goers. 

The party goers pointed to Oikawa in the throne with pure anticipation. The music kicked back up suddenly and the men were all. Over. Him. It was freaking awesome. 

One came up and straddled his legs. He, like the rest, only had really tiny green shorts, a green choker, an antenna headband, and lots of green glitter. Another circled behind him and reach around the back of the throne to run his hands through the man’s brown hair. The one on his lap jumped off and twerked on him for a bit. The others were dancing around the room for the other people there. They were able to give anyone in Team Alien t-shirts touching dances. Makki, Akashi, and Hinata had their fun for sure. 

A third joined in spoiling Oikawa, and he was having a blast. He couldn’t stop laughing at the absurdity of it all. He was hardly turned on, just having fun. 

-

“What the fuck are we supposed to do!” Kuroo was panicking. 

They hadn’t figured out the code order yet and they’d been in for 30 minutes. 

“Have we tried looking into the bottles?” Kageyama asked from where he was propped against the wall on the floor like the rest. 

“Of course we have tried th—“ Daichi almost snapped. “Wait. We haven’t.”

They looked down the bottles, and low and behold, they were numbered. They unlocked the door to find an actress pretending to puke in a toilet. 

“What happened last night? I blacked out after you traded your car for Milo’s watch. You were messed up,” she said. 

She stood and left with her own key to the garage door. Her character had her car keys. With her gone, they were able to look around the bathroom. It was made to look filthy. There was another locked door, so they guessed it was the next step. 

“We need to find Milo! I bet he’s behind that door!” Bokuto insisted. 

The others agreed and began looking for another 6 number code. They couldn’t find it. They searched. And searched. For thirty minutes. 

“Did we check this tray of nail polish?” Kageyama asked. 

“Of course we ch—“ Daichi started again. “Wait. No we did not.”

Some had numbers on the bottom. The pulled the six numbered ones out and realized, once again, they had no clue what order they were supposed to go in. 

-

Once the strippers’ time was over, everyone was made to leave. That was the crazy part of the party. Now was time to wind down and emotionally prepare for the next day. It was 10:00 when this happened. 

They got into their matching giant t-shirts and boxers that Oikawa also put in their favor packs. Oikawa’s was white and said “Pretty Groom” in Pink. The others’ were orange and yellow tye-dye and said “The Pretty Groom’s Squad” in pink outlined white. All of their boxers were pink. 

Makki led them out to the backyard, where they found a fort under a tent. There were lanterns hung up around the place and the fort was absolutely full of soft blankets and pillows. There was a sheet hung up in front of the opening where a projector projected a movie. 

“Come on. You’re a sleepy drunk and we got some liquor in you so let’s cuddle up and watch E.T.,” Makki smiled. 

They had got all the makeup off him, so his face was red and his hair was still tostled. This was a group he didn’t mind looking bad in front of. They cuddled closely in the mouth of the fort. Thirty minutes in, Oikawa started crying. 

“I’m getting married,” he cried, as if he just realized the fact. Maybe he did. 

The others got close and gathered him in a group hug. 

“Yeah. You are, babe,” Suga smiled as he whispered his reply. 

Oikawa was smiling despite his tears. “I love Hajime so much. I’m just so happy!” the brunette wailed. 

“He’s your true love, all right,” Hinata smiled into the group hug. 

They fell asleep in that heap together. Outside. But it was rented so they were safe. 

-

“Shut up you fucking dumbasses!” Iwaizumi screamed. “You’re not helping at all!”

They had made it through the door (the nail polish needed to be in rainbow order. They’re all gay how did they not figure that out?). It’d been hours and they had no clue what to do with the three passed out actors inside. 

“We need to figure out which one is Milo,” Daichi muttered, holding his head in his hands. 

“Milo— Milo wore a watch,” Iwaizumi realized. 

He jumped up and ran to the cluster of passed out bodies. He looked at all of their wrists, but none had an indication of a watch having been there. He deflated and walked back to the rest.

“What about the one at the front?” Kageyama provided. 

Iwa reinflated quickly, sprinting through the rooms and to the first body. He had a pale patch as if a watch had been there. 

“Guys! Oh my fucking god! You were right Kageyama! This guy is Milo!” He bellowed. 

The others came running in. 

“Milo, wake up!” They screamed together, but not quite at the same time, causing a cluster of shouting. 

The actor finally woke up. They gasped in relief. They had been in there forever. Matsun was silently freaking out because they were missing a lot of what he had planned. 

With some talking they got the key off of him and got out. It was nearing 10:30. They hadn’t completely realized how long they had been in there. Matsun was really freaking out then. 

They took the limo to a really pretty, rustic cabin. Matsun had the passcode for the cabin and let them in. They flicked on the lights to find a very nice, wooden look. It had soft couches, a pool table, and more. 

“We missed the damn strippers!” Matsun groaned. 

They all flopped on the couch. Then Bokuto perked up. He shot a text to Kuroo, who then shot a text to Kenma. Kenma said it was ok as long as he filmed it. 

“Matsun, bro. Roll the camera,” Kuroo smiled deviously. 

He and Bokuto got up and flipped the party switch. (Matsun had told them all about the place). It made lights start flashing in colors and Daichi started blasting music from the room’s speakers. 

“What are you doing?” Iwaizumi asked from his seat in the big chair. 

“We’ll be your strippers, bro!” Bokuto laughed. 

Iwa rolled his eyes, but Bokuto and Kuroo really started to strip. They took their shirts off first. Then their pants, leaving them in their underwear. They climbed awkwardly around Iwa, barely holding in laughs. Hajime was not bothering to hold in his laughter. They handed him some shots and the shit just got funnier. 

Bokuto straddled him and said, “Take a good look at this cake, Iwaizumi because you’re never gonna get any again!”

Everyone in the room fucking lost it. They were cackling. Because it was true honestly. Iwaizumi tried to defend his fiancé through huffs of laughter. 

“H—hey!” Laughter. “He’s self conscious about that stuff!”

Kuroo was hyena laughing while twerking in front of him. It was strange and hilarious to watch. This was all on video, mind you. Matsun never stopped. Kuroo strutted up to the camera and pretended to fondle it. They were honestly having way too much fun. 

They eventually decided to calm down. They put on their matching pajamas, the same as Oikawa’s except saying “Strong Groom.” 

They didn’t settle all that much though because they were soon doing karaoke with the big tv in the living room. 

Bokuto and Kuroo attempted to be Queen and Bowie, karaoking to Under Pressure. It was absolutely awful. Bokuto was doing Freddie Mercury’s part and he was basically just screeching. Them and Makki were the ones carrying the show. Kageyama and Iwa were just not the type. 

They did force Kageyama to try at one point and it resulted in another total loss of composure. They turned on Fall Out Boy’s My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark. Kageyama hardly actually sang. He grumbled through it. What caused the laughter was the chorus. 

“So light them up. Up. Up,” he spoke, completely enunciating every syllable. There was no singing. Just stating the words awkwardly. 

The slightly tipsy crew found it to be the peak of comedy. They hadn’t flipped the party switch off so all of this was still happening in the wild lighting and the speakers were turned loud. 

“Dudes,” Iwaizumi said, half asleep. “I’m getting married tomorrow.”

“Yeah you are!” Daichi lightly punched him. “It’s great, honestly. I love being married to Suga. Our wedding was the best day of my life.”

“He’s so great, I don’t think that the day can truly go bad unless it ends without him being my husband,” Iwaizumi says with lidded eyes. “I love that stupid man.”

And they all fell asleep in the living room together.

**Author's Note:**

> Would you like a couple extra fics to go with this one? I’d totally be up for a wedding proposal prequal and a honeymoon sequel. I actually have a lot of ideas for the honeymoon sequel and let’s just say it wouldn’t just be teen rated.


End file.
